Beauty, Chaos, and Grey

It seems fitting that it rained today since the ground needed water and I needed a break from the heat.  I haven’t quite settled into my new environment or adjusted to the long, warm days.  Rain is cleansing.  It brings renewal; old wounds and dilemmas wash away and new ones begin to sprout, yet somehow we know everything will be alright.

The corners of my usually sunny home office are dense with shadow and the trust that there is nothing lurking, nothing I have forgotten to do or address.  The outer view seems dark and unyielding.  Thunder, lightning, and wind come up quickly leaving small bits of debris behind as they all skip off to another locale; the cat’s peaceful nap is interrupted by the first crack of thunder 200 yards from the house and her startled and wide-eyed look takes a long time to go away, and the screaming whistle of the tea kettle (I was positive I’d turned it off earlier) –  all of it – this has been my day.  Other Sudden things.  The babbling man in the market.  The barefooted woman with her two small children, plodding through deep puddles in front of the market’s entrance, the flood of  flower petals rustling in the water on the side of the roadway.  Pine needles sticking to the windshield as I move along the grey, slick surface of the street along the lake. Trees are down.  Colors everywhere are rich and velvety.  Abrasive and uncontrollable nature in all its splendid and powerful beauty – Regal – Dangerous – Hypnotic.  I flush with gratitude for the opportunity that brings me here in this space where I can breathe without fear and where my only job at the moment is that of a voyeur in this window to nature and a tourist of sorts.  There is a magnificence in making a choice.

The island is quiet today yet the store seemed crowded.  I wondered how everyone managed to get there since there were so few cars on the road.  Life is so damned unpredictable and I love it.  I hadn’t expected to be driving in the rain today, nor had I expected there would be so much beauty and chaos around me.  I find the grey sky to be as beautiful as when it is blue with billowy white clouds.  And, while I love a sun-drenched day with all the glory of cicadas and lake frogs, I adore the smudged and spattered afternoons that arrive only after a heavy rain, once all the dust and excess is gone.

Often, the best days are those that come upon us quickly, without warning, and without any expectation of us other than we just show up and be aware.  The point, perhaps, is simply to be and do not much of anything at all on these days.


jacqualine-marie baxman ©2012


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