Today marks exactly 2 months since my open heart surgery. I would love to celebrate with a few shots of Patron, but not yet. I’ll save that for the 6 month mark.
My last blog post was January 31, 2013 and while I’d intended posting again shortly thereafter, I decided to wait until I had something truly interesting to say. There’s just so much to say about the details of surgery, home health care, and moving from the recliner to the front door and then outside and being able to breathe while doing it all. Once the initial event is over, focus goes to real healing and concentrating on one’s life – and the details of life are different for all of us.
I’ve been thinking about this blog post for nearly 3 days. It occurs to me that, really, I don’t have much to say – not at this time. There are thoughts and epiphanies dancing around in my head as if Baryshnikov was on his way to join in. Dancing, dancing, dancing – privileged and beautiful like the light that comes through the window at 3 o’oclock in the afternoon. It is a dance to re-learn presence, awareness, and certainly gratitude. So, nothing profound written here today.
I’ve decided, instead, to show you more of what I’ve been looking at while going through this transition, this learning to balance what I want, what is expected of me (there are people who count on us, who need to know we are there), and which dream of my many is the most fascinating to me (why not all, I think). The photos above are what I see when I walk, when I am quiet and introspective yet open to what is around me. I have a new iPhone. We are learning more about each other, how we work, how we create, what we find necessary to record. I record things, always, one way or another. It is who I am. I am in love with my animal neighbors and with anything that grows. Quiet, beautiful, and without criticism, everything seems to live together in the moment, in harmony, perhaps the way humans all should if we were less calculating.
I will add that I have begun cardiac rehab. Having completed my second full week, I am enjoying the idea of being monitored – a peculiar thing, indeed – and of being watched and cared for in a new and different way. I will “graduate” from cardiac rehab in 11 weeks. In the meantime, between my last post and this one, I have simply worked on healing. Tales will follow – maybe, and insights…if they ever stop their crazy dancing. I’m not sure I want them to.
“Every human has four endowments- self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom… The power to choose, to respond, to change.” Stephen Covey